Quilters tend to be caring people who love to share the passion for their craft and often see making and giving a quilt as the heartfelt expression of their feelings for the person they are giving their “labor of love” to. Unfortunately, what started as an act of kindness can result in disappointment for the quilter if the gift is not “sufficiently appreciated” by the person who receives it. Many quilters have encountered this situation. Let me tell you about the first time this happened to me and what it taught me.
A Cautionary Tale
Many years ago, when I first started quilting, I made a table topper quilt for a relative. I spent a lot of time on it and made sure to choose a theme and fabrics that she would love. She loved her gift and used it on her kitchen table. Unfortunately, that meant that my early “work of art” was subjected to a rough and tumble existence. I am happy that she got some use out of it but I was disappointed when I visited and saw it covered in tea stains. I guess I had thought of it as a decorative object while the person I gave the gift to saw it as a useful household item. This gift-giving experience has made me realize that I can’t control what happens to my project after it leaves my hands. It was made as a gift and now that it has been given, it has a new home away from me. It also taught me that I need to manage my expectations when deciding to give away one of my projects as a gift.
Managing Your Expectations
When we make gifts, we put a part of ourselves into that creation. If you’re like me, you will pick out designs and fabrics that you think the recipient will like. They may not be your preference, but that’s okay, because you’re focused on creating this project for someone else. Someone that you hope will love your gift as much as you loved making it. Reality isn’t always like this.
As a quilter you probably:
Really value handmade and appreciate the work that goes into the creation of something unique
Have a personal aesthetic and décorHave a different life style than some of the recipients
Understand the difficulty of some aspects of the quilt making process and appreciate the effort involved
Will appreciate the details versus the overall effect
Will have different uses for a quilt – decorative versus utility
But not everyone is the same!
Sometimes your gift isn’t appreciated, and this is so disappointing and can be hurtful for you, the creator.
How can you make a thoughtful gift and yet avoid the potential disappointment that may come when it is given and not appreciated or used the way you’d hoped it would?
You need to keep our expectations realistic when it comes to how our gifts will be received and used.
You need to remember that once one of your creations leaves your hands, it’s no longer yours. You have set it free – and whatever the recipient does with it is their choice – not yours.
The moral of this story is to be careful of your expectations. I know that many quilters love to make gifts for people and put a lot of thought into their creation. They hope that the recipient will love and cherish it and are sometimes disappointed when that person doesn’t appreciate the gift or doesn’t use it in the way that the quilter had hoped.
Tough Love
Have you effort found yourself thinking “I worked so hard on the quilt and they didn’t appreciate it”? You need to ask yourself some tough questions before deciding to make a quilt for someone as a gift. Sorry, but we need a little tough love here. Three main tough love questions:
Are you giving the quilt unconditionally
Why are you making the quilt?
Are you sure they want one or is it because you want to make them?
Are you looking for compliments, etc. or truly doing it because they will like it. Are you trying to be a hero? Will we hear you saying “I did all that work and it wasn’t appreciated”?
Having you really considered the needs/desires of the recipient?
Have you considered that the recipient may not appreciate handmade crafts?
Have you considered how they may use the quilt?
Does it match their lifestyle, décor or asthetic?
Can you “let go”?
Are you ready for them to use it in ways that you had not considered i.e they can do with it what they want?
Will you be able to handle the situation if they don’t use it?
Are you OK if they give it away?
Can you fully accept that it is no longer yours?
Setting Yourself Up For Success
My experience (and the other quilters I know) made me think about the types of projects that you could make and give as gifts: ones that would be appreciated by the recipient yet don’t have a lot of emotional investment on the part of the maker. I think the key consideration is to understand the person you are giving the quilt to and them match the “project to the person”.
Match the effort to the situation – realize that your effort may not be appropriate. Is it a special occasion?
Don’t let your enthusiasm for a specific design or technique blind you to recipients requirements
Unless you are confident that the person you are making the quilt for is capable of appreciating all the effort and skill that you used in making a complicated project then it is better to employ the KISS (Keep It Sew Simple) when choosing and making the gift.
KISS: Keep It Sew Simple.
The truth is that when things are kept simple, it’s actually better. Whether it’s a pattern or a course, whenever I pause, step back and rethink it, I realize that it would be much better – and easier on me – if I kept it simple. Complicated and complex are overrated. Keeping things simple works best in my experience. The same applies to gift giving.
You can apply the KISS principle to gifts you’re making and this will help you to avoid the disappointment when your wonderful handmade and carefully crafted quilt isn’t received with the enthusiasm you had hoped it would be. Pick simple projects that are easy for you to make. This isn’t the time for a queen-size quilt with hand appliqué on it. It is the time for a simple 4-patch quilt. Look for easy and quick patterns so that you won’t have to invest as much time and energy into your gift.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about the kind of projects that you would make for a friend or relative who you know will appreciate the hard work and thoughtfulness that you put into your creation and love anything that you would make them. You want to make something special for these types of people, of course. I’m offering this suggestion for projects for those recipients who may not receive your gift with the enthusiasm and understanding that you hope they will. Simple, easy projects created with care and skill will work in this situation.
I hope that this suggestion will help you in your gift creation and help avoid disappointment and hurt feelings.
Risk Free Giving
Making charity quilts is one of the best ways to help someone less fortunate by using the craft that you are so passionate about. Making charity quilts has two benefits: you are helping an organization that needs these quilts and you can use these projects to improve your quilting. Your efforts will be greatly appreciated and the quilt will be accepted unconditionally with good will and no judgement. Don’t forget charity quilts are not just for people: animal shelters are always looking for quilts for the animals in their care especially in the colder months.
If you are making a quilt for a person, you can choose simple patterns that are easy to make and use up the extra fabric that has been cluttering up your studio. I guarantee that the person receiving the quilt will appreciate your efforts a lot more than some of you more affluent friends that might receive a quilt as a gift.
Your opportunities for improving your quilting are even greater if you are making a quilt for an animal shelter. The animals don’t care how it looks as long as it is soft, snuggly and durable. This means that you can try techniques that you are just learning or in which you want to improve without feeling bad if it doesn’t turn out quite as well as you hoped. We talk in The Quilter’s Way about how practicing free motion quilting inevitably results in some amazing dog or cat blankets. You can also use up the “ugly” fabrics that you have had in your stash forever and no longer like. (Just because they are ugly to you doesn’t mean that they are really ugly).
Start your learning right now!
Download the free Get Out of the Ditch! guide to learn how to start free motion quilting by clicking here.
